Show Me the Story!

This week in Creative Writing, we learned about making our writing more descriptive by showing the reader what is happening in the scene. Good writing tends to draw an image in the reader’s mind instead of just telling the reader what to think or believe. Readers are smart! We can read through the lines! Give us some credit!

"If you find your writing feeling flat, particularly fiction or narrative nonfiction writing, step back and imagine your scene yourself. What sounds do you hear? What smells are in the air? What expression does your character have on his face? What are his motivations? Once you are deeper in your own imagination, see if you can make your writing better by adding a few specifics and transporting the readers to the scene you have in your mind." (Grammar Girl)

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The following description was written by Jordan.
Can you imagine Tommy in your head as you read?

    Tommy was one of those kids.  He was one those kids that people would look at and get angry.  He went to a school where he would pull pranks on the teacher, and annoy his classmates.  Sometimes, he would pull pranks on the wrong person and would get beat up, but he didn’t care. He liked what he did.

    One day, he came up with the best prank he’d ever thought up.  He was going to fill up a big inflatable swimming pool in the classroom, and fill it with goldfish.  He spent a long time devising how he would pull this off, and when the time came, he was ready.  He snuck out of his house and rushed down to the school.  The next morning, the teacher walked to her door, opened it up, saw the pool, and muttered to herself, “Tommy.”  

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Nice job, Jordan! What is the golden line? Pick your favorite word or sentence from the description above and type it in the comment box.